When I got my first job I got bullied. Everyday for two years my boss made me feel like I was the worst human on the planet. Everything I did “sucked”, even though I did everything according to her instructions. I wasn’t allowed to go to the bathroom or buy lunch, and IF I did that, I had to hurry so I could go back to the store asap. She also asked way to much about my private life. She and another of her family member also went through my stuff while I worded. I didn’t know at the time but after a while I got weird texts saying stuff that made me realise they knew things that they couldn’t possibly have known without having gone through my personal belongings.
My self esteem was at rock bottom, I cried everyday before going to work and I daydreamed of running out of the store as fast as I could, as far as I could, until no one could see me. I had to quit. This was seven years ago and I still have a hard time passing the area without instantly getting thrown back to that horrible time.
I started a new job. Everything seemed so good until I started to see weird things happen. My boss was always grumpy and took it out on me and my co-workers. She fired people for no reason, and some of the co workers got advantages the others didn’t. One day hell broke loose. I opened the store, and I had the cashier shift. I remember a customer coming in and almost immediately went to pay. I remember everything just went quiet. I could see the customers mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear what he said. I had an outer body experience. I saw myself staring at the customer and realising “I hear nothing of what you just said, my body is physically there, but my mind is somewhere else”. That day I went home, called the doctor and he demanded me to stay home for a couple of months to relax.
I started to listen more to what I needed and most important; cared about myself. There are people who doesn’t always want the best for you so you have to make sure you love yourself. I started to google some stuff about being home mentally exhausted from work, and after a while I googled “why do i feel so much”. That’s when I realised I was HSP. I remember reading a list of traits of an HSP and I ticked all the boxes. It all finally made sense. I understood why I had a hard time processing everything that was going on around me, why I needed a lot of time for myself, and let’s nog forget about the silence.
I couldn’t really find the support system I needed. I wanted to be able to connect with others in a easy way, share thoughts and emotions in a everyday life kind of way. So I started my own – highlysensitive_person.
Now I want to be the support system I never had, and I hope you feel you found a safe spot here